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July 31st, 2007 4:03 am this circle never ends.. [ ] Philedelphia is beautiful this time of year. HOT, but beautiful. HEY, why am i complaining about heat, when i live in florida. ow well anyways. We visited the museum, and me and mom took a picture with the statue of rocky! (: ive never even seen the movie. The art was magnificent, and the whole time i was wishing hannah was there with me, to oohh and awe by my side. i have millions of shitty pictures from my shitty camera, but atleast i have pictures. cant complain, except im getting fat =D damn you summer freedom, to allow me to stay up all night and eat out of boredom! you will be my downfalll. anyways, its late, and i cant sleep worth SHIIT! so im just going to sit here. and stare at things. shopping tommorow with mom, she has a date wednesday with someone she met on yahoo personals. as for love, im content.i am filled with love, and i feel love, and i have love in every way possible and im happy with it. SHARK WEEK is on, and thats all ive been gluing my eyes to the past few days. lets see. my stomach hurts, im homesick. i cant sleep. and some other things i dare not mention. everyone has secrets (: anyways, i guess ill really try to lay down for another hour. i want to dream. <3

July 16th, 2007 11:15 pm so many miles away and helpless [ ] im god knows how many miles away from my home. and i cant defend myself. i cant stand up for myself. im being lied to. i cant even mash the fucking sluts' skull in. at this point and time, i wish i could die. im normally so happy to be alive. but right now, i just feel like dropping dead. all i want to hear is his voice. all i want this to be is a misunderstanding. but i have the biggest fear that this is infact real. and that i will once again, loose. please god, i know you hear my prayers. i dont ask you for much. can you answer them, just this once?

July 5th, 2007 2:22 am indepenence day my ass [ ] i dont really know what to feel right now. angry? sad? dont fucking know. whatvs. happy fucking 4th of july to me.

June 25th, 2007 11:16 pm [ ] i havent slept for about 36 or something hours. ive been okay, and wide awake all day. but let me tell you, when this intense of tiredness hits you, it drains you completly. i can hardly move, or open my eyes, or even speak at a normal tone.i dont know how i have the ability to even type this. the bed is calling my name. goodnight. very very goodnight.

June 25th, 2007 8:54 am update way to late [ ] Its been along time coming. Im growing up faster and learning more than ever. Every year it seems to go by quicker and quicker. sometimes i wish i could just stop the time, and take a deep breath, to try and take everything in. to enjoy it, savor it. lets see, once again im extremly late on entrys. but whatevs. Life is great at the moment. Im Finally with james again, and things are better than ever.(almost 6 months, july 10th) Hes trying hard for me, as i am for him. He wants to get married when i turn 18. if we even make it that far. -sigh- we'll see. i never saw myself getting married that young, and im not sure id be ready and mature enough to handle that extreme of a relationship. Im leaving town to go to my fathers soon. 2 weeks this summer. Im working one week and chillin the last week. When i leave there, im going to visit my grandpa in Philidelphia for a week. This is all after my 17th Birthday of course. I dont really want anything, except a puppy which i cant get till i get back in town. Im probably just going to have a BBQ with a few close friends. hannah, james, katie, danielle, family. By then we will be moved into the new house. Forgot to mention that, we are actually moving this saturday. Im excited but at the same time, im really gonna miss this house. Ive been here for almost for years. So many memories, and firsts. BUT i guess its always time to move on sometime. Right now, it is nine am, and i can say that i havent gone to sleep yet. I got up around eleven yesterday, and have been up ever since. (minus my 2 hour nap yesterday) Ive been up all night drawing with markers and watching little mermaid, and even now, after being awake for 20 hours, im WIDE awake. Anywho, I suppose thats all for now. But i PROMISE! i will start writing more often, atleast a few times a week.

April 1st, 2007 4:02 am shoot me. [ ] tonight, one of my random episodes of depressionn. (please excuse anything im about to say) i have to hold it in and act as if im okay, because tasia is here. when infact, im not okay. i dont believe anything. and i dont understand how the fuck NOBODY on the god damn planet can answer the FUCKING TELEPHONE tonight, of all nights. its always when i need people the most. fuck man. i hope everyone is having an awesome time. fucking, and making out, and partying, and seeing movies. while im sitting here. fucking about to break into peices. because im naive. and stupid. and i cant get over some guy who hurt me. which makes no sense. im never going to learn. and hes never going to really love me. and hes never going to know what he wants. but hes going to keep running to me. and im going to keep taking him back. and setting myself up. and hurting myself. fuck fuck fuuuckk. i need to go to sleep. because according to the book im reading. when you dream, you go off into other dimensions and shit. makes no sense. but id rather me anywhere than here right now. even worse.... i wish i was in his arms. so, shoot me.

January 20th, 2007 5:17 pm goodbye [ ] this ring means nothing to me. and i wish i could say, you never did either. im completly done, because youve crossed the line. and im not a fucking toy. i dont want to speak to you again, much less look at your fucking liar face. goodbye, is all i have to say. ps- ill be throwing out all of our pictures. and you can come get your things. i dont want it in my house.

January 10th, 2007 1:54 am strange fascination? [ ] One thing i love about being alive is people. Yes,people. You meet so MANY people, each and everyone is different, and unique with their own unique thoughts, and experiences, and likes and dislikes. Everysingle person, is different and thats amazing to me. Im absolutely fascinated by the fact that we will know so many amazing people in one lifetime. Each one will hold a place in your heart, and in your memories. im a strange girl, i know. I always seem to notice the smallest things.

January 7th, 2007 5:49 am Lets start over.. [ ] I've lost my touch. I admit it. I never write anymore. And im really not sure whether i should be angry or upset about it. Both? Whatever, its my fault. I just dont apply myself i suppose.. So that is why, im making an attempt. Maybe ill write more, since i took the time to make this thing, not to mention thought of a username for hours.. (which im still not completly satisfied with by the way)Pathetic? Soo... I met this girl. Or, i didnt meet her. But ive been talking to her. and today i was talking about how my "poetic ability" has disapeared. And she said " it doesnt disapear, it just takes vacations" oh, how nice. So then i reply "no it probably ran away from me to hawaii" Cheesy. whatever. But thats kinda how i felt. Alittle jealousy, also. haha. I wish i could run away to hawaii or some distant island sometimes. ....annddd writers block... Okay so this is a start right? Ill write more another time.

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